THANK YOU SO MUCH

A tiny soul wandering around forests, restless from the remembrance of previous birth's unpleasant memories. There were a lot of issues which had to be settled, lots of promises which had to be fulfilled... Saw a beautiful place surrounded by mountains, fresh air, fresh water, divine ambience and thought of taking birth to a beautiful and caring couple and that is how I was born...

I was born at the extreme end of country "India" .There is a beautiful city called as "Jammu”. Before I could learn any means of communication, I developed a sense towards sounds. Sounds which have some special quality in them, which gave them a pride of being called as "Music"... U can say that I had some special affinity towards music as the first words which came out of my mouth were some Punjabi folk song which i used to hear a lot in my early age. It totally amazed my dad, who nearly jumped seeing his daughter uttering some words...

And after few years, it was the sound of Aazan (Namaz) in Ptv which caught my ears. Though I too small to understand the meaning of religion or religious prayers or even to understand the words of that divine prayer but i was crazy for that. I used to fight with my Grandpa to switch Ptv at right time every day. That caused a reason of worry in my Hindu Brahmin family. A doubt occurred to them fearing if its some last birth effect or some kind of influence of Ptv but after few years, all the doubts were cleared...

I was nearly 9 years old watching my favorite show "Surabhi" on doordarshan. They were talking about a guy "Rahman" who is a young boy but has created a rage in music industry and then they played a Tamil song "Chinna Chinna Aasai" Though the interview with that boy was in English (Hardly understood the words) but the lines Chinna Chinna aasai infected my nervous system somehow.After few months the same Tamil film "Roja" got released in Hindi. I jumped listening to "Dil hi chota sa". That was the time when a new phase in my life started.

My next encounter with ARR was with the movie "Bombay". The song"Kuchi Kuchi Rakma" was the pick of my ears. May b it was the simple "Dholak sound" or the innocent voice of GV Prakash which caught my kiddy ears(Later found out the complexity of the song, how Persian sound is fused with folk composition).Hmmm.. But. Those days my ears were not matured enough to understand the melody of "Tu Hi Re..." or "Bombay Theme".It was Nearly after an year, when i accidently forgot to press the stop button of my cassette player after the song "Huma Huma" and the sound of "Tu hi re" filled the room. When the starting beats of the song echoed in room, My heart skipped a beat. All of a sudden i developed a new emotion. Beginning of a new journey, Suddenly as if i understood the meaning of art. I could relate pain with the sound of "Bombay theme" and den soon i started to ignore other songs for these 2 tracks. It really sounds funny now.

Then ARR gave his first Hindi album "Rangeela". The songs became like my morning, afternoon and evening prayers. Within a week i by hearted the lyrics, tune orchestraization and the mysterious sounds which ARR always embeds in his songs. There were so many movies which did not make much sound in bollywood but I was lucky to get a hand over the cassettes like Priyanka ( Indira), Chor Chor(Thiruda thiruda),Vishwa Vidhata (Pudhiya Mugham), Kabhi na kabhi. I had no idea how those songs were getting dissolved in my blood. I was not completely biased to AR Rahman, there was some other music also which caught my ear like Enigma, sound of Colonial cousins, Shankar Mahadevan's breathless etc but it was ARR who became an inseparable part of my life.

I was a loner from my childhood, lost in my own world. I had created a world of ARR around me. His pictures at the 4 sides of the wall of my room.Well, if am not wrong, More than 75 pictures. I used to keep an eye on magazines. Actually one of my cousins used to get cuttings of ARR interviews for me from various magazines. I used to read about his Tamil music in interviews. Tried a lot but never got any Tamil album in Jammu. Then, after my 10th standard exam i got an opportunity to visit Bangalore "My First Trip to South India". There i bought all the Tamil songs of ARR. There were about 20 cassettes ..Pudhiya Mugham, Gentleman, Muthu, Padayappa, Kadhal Desam, May Maatham, Kaaruthamma, Kadhalan, Duet, Indira, Iruvar, Kizhaakku Cheemayile, Uzhavan...etc. They started bringing changes in me.Sitting on the terrace of my sister's hostel(ie in Chitradurga(Karnataka))...staring at the coconut trees (We dnt have coconut trees in jammu), listening to the songs like Thirakatta, enswasa kartrae. It was a memorable time of my life.

I have no idea, when "Chinna Chinna Asai" took the place of "Dil hi chota sa" in my heart or u can say that i became addicted to "Thiruda Thiruda"/"Indira" more than "chor chor"/"Priyanka". I was missing SouthIndia after returning back to my native.

Though I had the cassettes with me but i faced one small problem. I wanted to know who the singers are and the cover details were usually written in Tamil. I could easily recognise singers like SPB,Hariharan,Chitra,Sujatha etc who had sung some hindi songs also but there were many singers who were not known to there in north India. I loved unni Krishnan, Bombay Jayshree's voice in Iruvar but that time always wished if someone could read the names for me... And then i got the solution for that.The movie names were written in both the languages, Tamil and English. So, I started picking up the alphabets from there and learnt them and that was the way i started reading and writing tamil ... yeah, i learnt to read and write tamil words. but I always wished that there was someone to explain the word's meanings to me . The first word i learnt to write in tamil was ofcource , the name, ARRahman...

Then after my 12th, i got admission in a college in Bangalore. So the problem to the access to tamil music got solved.It was great but Politians were playing games with the hearts of people.There I came accross people who like barring music in terms of langauge , regions. They scolded me for listening to Tamil music while staying in Karnataka. But as the distance between north and south couldnt keep me away from worshiping ARR's music , how could these small talks stop me?

"ARR never stopped creating gems, and i never stopped decorating my life with those gems. "

He always gave me reasons to smile,dance,cry, even inspired me and gave me support during lonely days. I remember how much inspired i had been with the song of film Meenakshi "Do Kadam Aur Sahi". ARR gave me all the emotions and expressions of my life.

Then , the day came which i was like a dream for me. ARR was going to perform live in Bangalore. It was like a dream come true. But As Try always has a Catch(Java Terms), Tickets were very costly. The decent crowd ticket was for minimum 3k and i was supposed to buy two tickets as i had to sponsor the ticket for my friend also. Otherwise it was impossible for me to attend the concert alone, at night. To arrange 6k was a big issue for a student...but then my sister helped me like an angel. She bought the tickets for me and my friend. I reached the venue 2 hrs before. My heartbeat was impossible to control I was just dying to see ARR but as God was testing my patience. It started raining like anything. Even a part of stage broke down. I and my friend got fully drenched in rain. She asked me if we could return back but how could i return without seeing ARR??? Then after sometime the whole crowd roared, and someone shouted, SEE ARR ON STAGE!!!

YEAH!!!!GOSH THE MAN HIMSELF.....he was there with usual smile and asking us to calm down and whatever is the condition, he will play music for us and he kept his promise. The concert for reduced for 2 and half hrs almost and in the ending again it started raining badly. When ARR was signing vandematram the whole crowd went mad. I too was not on earth dat time, somewhere in air singing (shouting, screaming) with ARR and den he said thanks for listening and a final goodbye to crowd. After saying all he stood on the stage staring back at the crowd. He must be wondering that what’s making people stand there in that heavy downpour. I remember him standing there with a smile and then my friend pulled me to go back. I didn’t want to go back. I wanted to be there but as the rain was getting angry on us, i was pulled back somehow. But my eyes never left him till we reached the point from where stage wasn’t visible... Wonderful experience...

It was the end of my Engg days when I came across a group called Yahoo ARR Fan Group and there I met fellow Rahmaniacs and found out that my craziness for ARR is not only a single example in this world. There are lakhs of people . I met wonderful people there. I got my second family there. I was never this much happy before, Now i can express my views on ARR and people are there to understand and enjoy them. I feel like a river which started from a small place and finally met the Sea.

But due to some circumstances I had to leave the place and join a job in Chandigarh (near my hometown). It too me few months to realize that it was impossible for me to stay away from South India. ARR has injected something in my blood. So I left the job there and came back..

Well, now the time has come in my life, where I am not only supposed to admire South Indian culture but also to accept it . Am little scared but actually happy about it.

Recently I got an opportunity to be a part of ARR fan's Independence day celebrations with the kids of an orphanage. I never felt so content in my life before. Spending time with those kids was an unforgettable day of my life.

Now just one wish is left in my heart. If i could meet ARR and look in his eyes. I want to see the man who has dominated my life for such a long time, who is actually a part of every big decision i take in my life. I want to see how different does he look from how i see him in my dreams. I want to thank him for all the colors he has brought in my life. He doesn’t even know how he has changed the destiny of my life. I wish i could thank him personally and could tell him, my life wouldn’t have been so beautiful without your music. "THANK YOU SO MUCH"

Neetika

"मेरी कल्पना"

आँख खुली तो अँधेरा था,

देखा चारों ओर, एक अजीब सन्नाटा था

उठी नज़रें आस्मान के ओर

सफ़ेद चाँदनी सा अँधेरी दीवार से झाँकता सा नज़र आया

दिल ने प्यार से उसका नाम चाँद रखा था

रिश्ता सा बन गया था उस रौशनी से दिल का

अपनी रौशनी के कोहरे से मुझे चादर उढाता था

पर कुछ न कहता बस मेरी कहानी सुनने, हर रात वह आता था

सब सुनता प्यार से पर न जाने क्यों

दिन होते ही वो कहीं चुप जाता था

पापा था मुझे कि उसे तो जाना ही है

पर ना जाने क्यों यह पागल दिल दीवाना सा हो जाता था

शायद पूरी रात किसी को खोजता

पर जब कभी हिम्मत हारता था

दो पल आंसू छुपाने बादल के पीछे चिप जाता था

जाना उसली मजबूरी था ओर उसे पाने कि जिद मेरी मजबूरी

बस इतना सा फ़साना था

आज भी क्यों यह जिद नित्यता की हद में

सच्चाई को तलाशती रहती है?

ज़िंदगी क्यों चाहत के घेरे में अपने को असमर्थ पाती है?

क्यों ज़िंदगी के पल

आंखों के आंसुओं की तरह बहते रहते है?

क्यों यह भावना शब्दों की तलाश में

अपने को अर्थहीन पाती है?

चाँद तो फिर मही आता है हर रात,

मेरी भावना का आदर करने

पर बस मेरी ही कल्पना तड़प के रह जाती है

जब यह रौशनी मेरा चाँद फिर मुझ से चीन के ले जाती है....

~Neetika

"Just a thought"

(Got the idea while listening to the song -Vazhga (Movie: Kadhal Virus)..Awesome composition by maestro AR Rahman)
A guy waiting for his best friend "MOON"...
When the moon comes, the guy starts talking to him as usual " So my best friend you have finally come. Today, I have got something special to tell you.Something which will be a knockout on your pride...
You were always proud of your Chandni, your life, your everything...right??? Every night you used to come with a pride holding her hand and used to taunt me
" Today i got mine..
I saw her... "
You are very proud of your girl's white light right? But my girl's appearance is like lightning, like flash...She has so much in her. Her eyes are like water, some sea. If I'll drown in them, I'll never be able to come out. When clouds come, they hide you and your chandni but when hair fall on her face she looks more beautiful. Her beauty becomes immortal.
I know that every morning you both cover yourself under the cover of sunlight and forget the whole world and talk. I too want to take her to the point , which is the end of the world and will talk and talk and talk ..I will tell her all the stories of my lonliness, all my pains.
Will open every corner of my heart in front of her.
I know that she will listen to me and will heal all wounds with her words and love
Am happy today, Very happy!!!

~Neetika

Journey back ...

After a long time I thought of being silent for sometime.It was so noisy outside, screams everywhere .So, I just closed all my doors (shut my eyes) & here i am, walking back to where i started from...

Climbing down the stairs, very dark here, some very strange bad smell here.I searched everywhere for my best friend , very lovely, always happy, always chirping, friend of mine.But where is he?Oh! i hear some weak breathing somewhere.Some low scary sounds you can say. Ah!! Here is he.Lying down(or fallen down) at one corner...

Oh my God!is that you?Are you sure or you killed my friend and took his place?He replied, look properly, its me "YOUR HEART" noone else.Meek,weak, bleeding..there he was hiding at one corner but what happened I asked!!!

A tear rolled down his eyes as i kept a hand on his shoulder . I was scared and i tried to remove my hand, he cried and said 'Please dont leave me this time'. But what happened as I asked again and whats this blood everywhere!!!

Dont u remember dear??? It was you who was always stabing me unknowingly and finally i collapsed. The moment you left me and joint hands with your intelligence and brain, I was left far behind.

duties came ahead of your wishes!I cried alot for the love of my own but you didnt give an ear to that. U suffocated me to such a level that i even started to argue and kinda became a rebel to you and that was the time you won the battle, you broke some part of me and used it against myself and once you succeeded you used this technique always. I kept on calling you, you never heard and a time came when i was broken in to the same number of pieces as many relations you have (your loved ones)...

And then a day came when God punished you of your sins. He took away all other wishes of yours. He took all your loved ones away from you and the pieces of your heart you had broken for them fell somewhere. They all were left just like piece of meat with no life left in them.Only am left half alive, half dead still waiting for you to love yourself, May be it will heal me abit. Listening to all this, I could not control my tears. I wanted to speak alot but words were not coming out of my mouth.For the first time i felt the pain of my heart. And my Heart, seeing a ray of hope asks me to come back home. But how to explain to him that no doubts those pieces are like dead meat, they cant speak, they cant react, they cant move but they can still feel the pain...The Extreme Pain, Pain of guilt, Pain of separation, Pain of betrayel, Pain of death.

i want to throw them all somewhere and come back but they dnt leave me, they dnt leave me..

they are being dragged whereever i go...bleeding...leaving traces of blood all the way...

"Here my heart takes the final sigh and goes back to his state before. The state where he is so helpless as it has reached the deadend and here i am running everywhere to atleast open few windows to get air for my only friend but all in vain as there are no windows left, all turned to stone walls .

& I silently come back to this noisy world. May be this noisy world will ease the pain in me a bit...

Enough is Enough!!!

Last night, while watching the news channel, I didnt realise when my mood became so gloomy...All they were talking about was bombblasts, killings, murders, terrorism ....
* Where are we going towards???
* What do we want???
* Are we blind or can say daring enough, to live in this timebomb kind of world and still manage to get a smile on face???
I just fail to understand what is wrong with us...It somewhat reminds me of the "Demon Ravana" who used to spread terror & used to kill innocent people...But, to kill one Ravana, Lord Rama had to face so many obstacles, it just makes me wonder, in today's world, where every alternate person is a reflection of ravana, what will a poor single Rama do???
Well, I dont understand the difference between different religions. If nature didnt create any difference while giving birth to us, who the hell are we to bind ourselves in boundaries and mark a tag of religion , caste etc on every new born???
I am not aware of any religion or religious book which supports killing of innocent people....Oh! Sorry, may be i am wrong, there is a religion called as POLITICS...Like bugs, these politicians are sucking our blood and here we are...standing helplessly...
Yesterday , on PTV, I saw a 5 year old boy crying over the corpse of a pakistani soldier(his dad) who had died fighting over the border against India....Feeling the pain of that child, i couldnt stop my tears...
"AM I AN UNPATRIOT???"
If you think I am then your heart too has turned to stone...i am just sick and tired of these Guns, Killings, Noises, cries, blood everywhere...& here my heart is just shouting helplessly.....
"Enough Is Enough"


- neetika